Love Stinks
by SerenityFalconNormandy
Summary: Freeform sentence Prompt: "What happened back there?" Jehanne Shepard, and what happened after Horizon.


"Joker- send the shuttle to pick us up. I've had enough of this colony."

"Aye-aye, Commander."

Jehanne felt her jaw clenching, and worked to relax it. Garrus put a comforting hand on her shoulder. Mordin stood off to the side, fingers twitching over his omni-tool as he muttered to himself about adjustments to the seeker swarm countermeasure.

"Give him time, Shepard. It has to be a shock, seeing you again."

"I know. I _know_ logically but- fuck." Jehanne turned to Garrus as the shuttle burned through the Horizon atmosphere. "You and Tali accepted that I am who I am with no questions. Why?"

He spread his arms, the turian version of a shrug. "Tali has scanners in her suit, and I can smell things humans can't. Cloning would leave an off-scent, and you smell like I remember you."

Letting out a small snort, Jehanne asked, "You saying I stink, Garrus?"

"What? No! I-"

"Relax, I'm picking on you. It's a 'defense mechanism'." She air-quoted the last part. The shuttle landed, and they filed on. Jehanne plopped down and did her best not to rip off her visor, then tossed it to the side before she cradled her head in her hands.

Tears wouldn't do any good, but damned if she didn't want to cry. It felt like a few weeks since she'd last seen Kaidan, sent him to the escape pods to save him. For him, it was two years. She had to remember that. Hell, if she spent two years thinking he was dead, and then he just happened to show up after tons of rumors and shit, with Cerberus in tow no less, she'd probably freak out on him, too.

She could still smell the disgusting rotting plant reek of the Thorian creepers they had found in the Cerberus facilities. Jehanne pinched her lips together and took a deep breath through her nose to keep herself from gagging.

His reaction was logical, but damn if it wasn't a punch in the gut.

The shuttle thunked down in the Normandy docking bay, and before the door even fully opened, she could hear the clipped clicking of Miranda's heels on the deck. Jehanne mentally groaned to herself. She didn't want to get into it with Miss Cerberus 2185 at all, but especially not before a hot shower and a meal.

"What happened back there? Shepard?" Miranda fell into step at her right shoulder. Jehanne could feel the other woman's biotics sparking against her own. Her omni-tool pinged with three new messages from The Illusive Man. Even Timmy wasn't letting her take a break, dammit.

"You didn't have me wire-tapped to hell and back, Lawson? I'm shocked. You actually let your pet project go unsupervised for-" She flicked up her wrist and looked at her omni-tool's chrono, "A whole hour and a half. Thanks for that."

"Don't get smart with me, Shepard."

"Me? Smart? Nah. I'm just calling it like I see it. Seems to me Timmy didn't let you in on the fact that Kaidan and I have more of a history than was made public, or did he just not tell you that he was stationed on Horizon?"

Miranda's lips turned down in a disapproving moue. "I can see I'm not going to get any useful information about the mission from you right now. You are dismissed."

" _Sir, yes sir._ " Jehanne snapped off the most sarcastic-looking salute she'd ever managed.

"You sure antagonizing Cheerleader is a good idea, Shep?" The concern in Joker's voice was telling. They were on a Cerberus ship, surrounded by Cerberus tech and crew. Pissing off her Cerberus babysitter probably wasn't the smartest idea.

"Probably not, Joker. Then again, plenty of people question my methods, what's one more?"

"Where to next, Commander?"

Jehanne opened the dossiers Tim had sent her. Tali's name jumped out immediately, and after skimming the message attached, forwarded it to Joker. "Looks like Haestrom so we can get Tali on-board."

"Awesome, I've missed her, and I wasn't around for Freedom's Progress."

"Hop to, Joker."

"Aye-aye, Commander."

She stripped down as quickly as possible, putting her armor and weapons aside to be cleaned later. Her body glove was plenty modest for the elevator ride to her quarters. "EDI, please make sure I make it to my quarters in one trip, and then I don't want to be disturbed until we're an hour out from Haestrom."

"Understood. Logging you out, Shepard."

The quiet gurgle of the fishtank was soothing, and the tank lights were enough illumination that Jehanne didn't bother with turning the lights on. Stripping down, showering, and cramming down a ration bar while slipping on a tank and athletic shorts didn't take that long, and left her with far too much time to think.

Flopping down on the bed, she threw an arm over her eyes so she didn't have to see the stars through the skylight. Cerberus apparently didn't appreciate that someone who'd died from being spaced might have an issue with that. She was just so exhausted.

The ping of her omni-tool going off jolted Jehanne awake. How long had she been laying there? When had she fallen asleep? "EDI, how long was I asleep?"

"You've been asleep for six standard hours, Shepard. We're still fourteen out from Haestrom."

"Lawson climbing the walls yet?"

"She has been… insistent on speaking to you, but I have adhered to your wishes."

"Thanks EDI. Keep to the plan."

"Understood. Logging you out."

Sliding around until she was in a mostly-upright position, Jehanne checked the message. Her stomach twisted when she saw Kaidan's name, and the title 'About Horizon'. Ever the glutton for punishment, she opened it. He'd used speech-to-text, and sounded like he'd had half a bar's worth of whiskey before sending the letter.

 _Shepard,_

 _I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizon. I spent two years pulling myself back together after you went down with the Normandy. It took me a long time to get over my guilt for surviving and move on. I'd finally let my friends talk me into going out for drinks with a doctor on the Citadel. Nothing serious, but trying to let myself have a life again, you know?_

 _Then I saw you, and everything pulled hard to port. You were standing in front of me, but you were with Cerberus. I guess I really don't know who either of us is anymore. Do you even remember that night before Ilos? That night meant everything to me... maybe it meant as much to you. But a lot has changed in the last two years and I can't just put that aside._

 _But please be careful. I've watched too many people close to me die - on Eden Prime, on Virmire, on Horizon, on the Normandy. I couldn't bear it if I lost you again. If you're still the woman I remember I know you'll find a way to stop these Collector attacks. But Cerberus is too dangerous to be trusted. Watch yourself._

 _When things settle down a little... maybe... I don't know. Just take care._

 _-Kaidan_

It wasn't a ringing endorsement, per se, but it left her feeling better. There might be some light at the end of the tunnel for the two of them. If he found someone in the meantime… had a few more dates with that doctor… she'd be happy for him. Kaidan deserved happiness. It would just suck major ass for her.

What else was new?


End file.
